A Sober Topic Revisited

Six months ago I wrote A Sober Topic, a post on teen drinking in the home. That article has been visited almost 5 times more than my next most popular post. (!!) It has been viewed almost daily since it was published in September 2010.

So, I’m curious…what do you think the interest in this article is about? At the suggestion of a friend, with prom and graduation parties on the horizon, I am planning on sending this article in for a column in our local paper. Before I do that, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Five to one ~ what do you think that is about? What are your thoughts on this topic?

Click here to read A Sober Topic.

7 Life Lessons from a Duck

Sometimes . . .
1.  You get your ducks in a row and something comes along and blows them away.
2.  You have to stick your neck out for the ones you love.
3.  You just have to roll with it.
4.  You need to check on your friends.
5.  You have to shake it off.
6.  You need to take a moment to re-group.
7.  You have to look unfazed and get back in the front to lead.


Parenting Tools / continued…

I’m excited about the parenting resources you are leaving here! Resourcing each other is a great way to get excellent, tried and true tools in our hands!

I really want to hit the mark of 25 resources here – so far we have 7. I thought about settling for less, but believe in this case, more is better…which is why I am also increasing my offer. I will now give away 2 different resources to 2 different readers (I will send the winners their book via Amazon, so your location doesn’t matter!)

So if you have not left a comment with a book or other resource, please do so so we can all be enriched, challenged and taught during our season of parenting! Here is the link to Intentional Parenting, the post below, of which I am speaking.

Intentional parenting…

…it’s one of my passions. I remember this concept coming into focus nine years ago. My oldest was turning nine and I realized at that point that we were half done with our time with her!

Of course, there is more time than that, but I was going on the expectation that she would be leaving for college and my day in and day out living with her would come to an end. That my day in and day out opportunities to guide, influence, smile at, tuck in, look across the room at, hug and reassure were at half-time. This awareness caused my heart to skip a beat, but it also made me even more intentional.

Recently, I had the privilege of speaking to the MOPS group at Sonrise Church about this topic and I referenced several books we have used in our parenting journey. I am putting this list here and what I appreciated about each one.

The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes by Kenneth Taylor
I loved that the stories were simple and short, but what I appreciated most were the three questions at the end of each reading. It provided us an opportunity to talk about the story and ensure comprehension.

Sticky Situations – 365 Devotions for Elementary Kids by Betsy Schmitt

We used this book at dinner as a way to talk about topics that we might not otherwise touch on. Our kids enjoyed it when we pulled this book out.

Praying the Bible for Your Children by Heather and David Kopp
Kevin and I continue to take this book out and pray the prayers written in this book. We love that there is an open space for us to insert our kids names into the prayer and that the prayers are scripture based.

An Introduction to Family Nights: Family Nights Tool Chest By Heritage Builders
This was a really wonderful and creative way to begin some fun and meaningful family interactions. So much fun!

Journey to the Cross by Helen Haidle
This is an exceptional resource to use during the Lent season! We have used this several years in a row. We read it at the dinner table and have learned much about the many symbols of Easter as well as some history and context. (I love when I can learn even as I’m teaching!)

Resurrection Eggs – Not a book but an excellent resource for sure! It’s a dozen plastic eggs filled with the symbols of Easter. There are also little stories that explain each symbol. This is when my kids really understood the story and symbols of Easter.

Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry by Dr. Todd Cartmell
I attended one of Dr. Cartmell’s workshops when my kids were younger and learned so much! This book is full of great insights and practical family tools. A book I recommend frequently.

The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell
If you have not read the original The Five Love Languages book, I would recommend that as well. This is especially helpful for the marriage. (just sayin’)

The current book I am reading and recommending is You’re Wearing That? by Deborah Tannen. I am loving this book because it is providing some enlightenment about mother-daughter conversations. I am sure I will write more about this soon.

Now, something fun! A Give Away!! Because I love to share resources, I am inviting you to share about book or other resource you have found helpful in your parenting journey.
Here’s the deal:
Leave a comment with your resource name and the reason you liked it. If I receive 25 comments from 25 different people, I will throw all of you in a hat and draw a name. If its you, you can pick one of my resources listed here and I will send you a new copy!
Feel free to share this blog with others to ensure we get 25 comments! I cant wait to hear from you!
Resources shared so far by readers:
  1. Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman
    Because it keeps us focused on remaining non-emotional, simple, intentional – and letting natural consequences, reality discipline do the work. It just makes sense – simple and intentional.   ~ Myah
  2. Parenting Beyond Your Capacity by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof. …because it talks about how our kids benefit as parents partner with the church and vice versa to make a greater impact than those two influences alone…encouraging for me as a mom to think about how my own kids will benefit as I “widen the circle” and intentionally involve other godly adults in their lives. ~ Deanna
  3. Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date – 8 Steps to No Regrets by Dennis Rainey We LOVE this book because it gives the blueprint to talking to our daughter’s dates about her value and our expectations. This can feel like an awkward conversation, but one we cannot be afraid of having.  ~ Sheri Carlstrom
  4. Boundaries with Kids by Drs. Cloud & Townsend. It has taught me to be consistent without raising my voice, and how to teach my kids that my no means no regardless of their reaction. ~ Janna
  5. Passport2Purity – By Family Life
  6. Parenting Today’s Adolescent – Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the PreTeen and Teen Years by Dennis & Barbara Rainey
  7. So You’re About to be a Teenager by Dennis & Barbara Rainey. The reason I love these resources(#5,6 & 7) is that they gave us a very deliberate time to have difficult, uncomfortable, hugely important conversations that might otherwise be easy to put off until “tomorrow.” For more on these resources, click on “Comments” and read more from Debbie.

A Real Man

Brian Marshall was a great man. He passed away in 2004. Kevin and Brain had become friends through the workplace, and when we work closely with people we learn a lot about who they are and what they stand for. Kevin got to know Brian pretty well and was impressed with his character, integrity, intelligence, work ethic and values.

When it became clear that Brian’s life on this earth was coming to an end due to cancer, Kevin wrote him a letter. The letter had a few purposes, Kevin wanted Brian to know what he thought of him and of his impact, but even more importantly, Kevin wanted Brian’s boys to know what kind of man their father was. He knew due to their young ages they might not remember. Kevin wanted something in writing for those boys, something they could turn to at any time, a way for them to know what others thought of their dad.

When Brain passed away his wife shared the letter with their parents and then with their pastor. The letter was printed, in part, on the back of the funeral program. Here is that portion of the letter ~

Brian,
I used to think I knew what it meant to be a man. A man is big, strong, tough, brave and independent. To some extent that’s true. I have discovered a REAL man is much more than that. A real man is intelligent, righteous, honest, selfless and courageous. It is hard to be a real man. It is lonely being a real man. It means putting your needs last, no matter how great your needs are. It means taking care of others, when you deserve to have others take care of you. It means being a leader when you aren’t sure you can find your way. It means being brave when those around you are frightened. It means taking the right path, not the easy path. 

Seven years later Kevin found out just how much those words resonated with someone else. In recent leadership training at work the concept of the shadow of a leader was discussed. This is when those in positions of leadership, through their behavior and actions, tend to influence the behavior and actions of those around them, thus “casting a shadow”. 

A co-worker, Steve, stopped by Kevin’s office this week and told him You don’t always know who you cast your shadow on and what kind kind of meaning it has. He wanted Kevin to know that the letter that was read at Brian’s funeral cast a shadow on him and that those words have been influencing him since. He has kept the funeral program near and has even used Kevin’s words to teach his boys what it means to be a real man. He then gave Kevin a box which held a plaque etched with the above words.


Our Real Man
(in El Salvador)

 I am grateful for many things today ~

  • For men like Brian Marshall, who lived his life – literally to the last day like a Real Man.
  • For Steve, who gave the plaque to Kevin. He surely has walked with intention in the ways of a Real Man, and I believe real men fortify our families and communities.
  • For Kevin’s words to be put before me again. To recognize what a Real Man is, you must be one. Kevin is and we are blessed.
  • Grateful that our sixteen and thirteen year old sons have the definition before them. Not only is this the definition their dad uses, but it is who he is recognized to be; may they grow up to be Real Men.
  • Grateful that our thiretten and eighteen year old daughters have their dad as the standard. May Real Men enter their lives at the right time and may they recognize them easily due to the first Real Man in their lives.
  • To be reminded that we influence others, even when we are unaware.

One of These Things is Not Like the Others…

Warning: I’m disgusted and the following may sound like a Soap Box post.

While watching the Today Show last week I saw an interview with Cee-Lo Green. It was during this interview that I learned who he is and that he has a song that as of today sits at #16 on the Billboard Top 100. Maybe you know of this song, I did not. Tyring to articulate my feelings about this song and its title is difficult. I’m appalled by it. Cee-Lo said his ten year old son is not allowed to listen to the song, and yet it pollutes the airways in which our kids listen. (Does he really think his 10 year old hasn’t listened to the song? That his friends at school haven’t talked about it?)

My thirteen year old daughter had heard this song on the radio and had heard the lyrics as “Forget You” but knew what the real lyrics were. When I asked her how she knew, she said kids at school have talked about it.

At the Grammy’s on Sunday evening, Cee-Lo Green gave a performance of this song – with the MUPPETS. As in the Muppets that we associate with Sesame Street! We all trust that the Muppets would never teach our kids swear words, right? Except in addition to the implied F word, another swear word was also used during the performance.

This just makes me mad. Mad that we seem to have no standards, no boundaries, nothing is off limits. In fact we bring the guy who sings these words onto a network news show and gush over him. And now, we can associate the Muppets with singing lyrics and words we would punish our kids for using.

I have no idea why we struggle with so much disrespect in our culture. No idea at all.

I am aware there are many, many awful songs out there with horrific lyrics. I don’t listen to that music and can avoid it fairly easily. The difference is that this song came at me through the network morning news and through a prime time network TV.

Yesterday I posted Love is Patient here.

Wrestling Woes and Whimpers

I received this text message from my sixteen year old son today, “This is the craziest thing i have ever seen”.

He is a wrestler for the high school and was volunteering his time to help run an all day meet; most of the kids participating were 5th grade or below. When he got home at the end of this long day, he was shaking his head and saying again that it was the craziest thing he had ever seen.

“What was so crazy?” we wondered. “Parents.” was his response. Parents provided the crazy in the day.

Parents who:

  • yelled their kids
  • yelled at the refs
  • argued at the refs
  • swore at the refs
  • swore at their kids

He also witnessed one father get in the face of a ref, referenced his judgement with swear word terminology (in front of his small child), then told his son the reason he lost is because of the ref. So that was a lesson that was probably caught. (fyi…had he gotten the one point which was in dispute, the son still would have lost)
There was also this:
A second grade boy who after losing his championship match said “I suck.” His dad said, “Don’t say that” (Nice. Good job, dad) Then the kids said it again, “I told you I do, I told you I suck!” To which the dad replied, “I’m gonna beat your a** if you say that again.” (Ummm…ok, not nice.)

Then there was the preschool boy who was wrestling, was losing and was saying to his mom through his tears, “I don’t want to play anymore”. This made Zach and the other guy at the points table feel bad for this little boy. Zach said, “His parents were riding him way too hard. I mean he was 4 or 5.”

Zach also overheard one adult ref say that he used to think bears were the scariest animals, but then he met pee wee moms. (Ick)

There were upsides though. He enjoyed the hospitality room. Just kidding, well, not really, he actually did say that. But also, there was the parent who came up to the high schoolers at the points table after the dad yelled at the high school ref about the one point, and said “You guys did a good job at that last match.” Nice.

I don’t even know how to sum this up. I guess I just wanted to share the observations of a sixteen year old boy who spent the day with a bunch of cute little kids and several ugly parents.

Soldiers in the Prayer Box

Several weeks ago I learned of a soldier at Brooke Army Medical Center receiving treatment for severe burns he received in a combat operation in Afghanistan. Nearly 40% of his body is covered in burns and he is enduring painful grafting and therapy. Recovering can be long, painful and can feel stagnant.

One of the blessings of my sister and I owning our own company is that we can send our product to others when we feel prompted. (you can click here to see our website, old website – but plans are in the works for an updated site) We believe marking and recording each and every, even the very small, improvements or blessings can keep a heart and mind focused on the forward progress that can be missed in times like this.

Anyway….as I was packing for an American Mothers National Board meeting in San Antonio, Texas, I grabbed a stonemarkers kit to give to another board member who would have the honor of meeting this young soldier and his wife. Erin, my youngest daughter, saw me grab the kit and asked why I packing it. I told her the story and gave her his name for her prayer box. (see The Prayer Box post below) Her heart and dedication to praying for soldiers (and others) continues to inspire me; she is faithful to pray for the names in this box.

As I left for the airport, Erin said good-bye and reminded me to get the name of the soldier who would be on my plane. (Again, see the post below and click on the link to read the back story to this) We laughed and I said I would, not really thinking there would be a soldier.

When I got to my hotel room, I sent her this text message: The soldier’s name on the plane is Randkins, he is headed to Iraq for ten months. :)

Randkins may be in Iraq, and Ronnie may be in a hospital, but they are also in her box, which means they are also before the Father.

(As a follow-up to this ~ Erin said that the first night she prayed for Randkins the word that came to her mind was “Leader”. She said since that night she has prayed for his leadership as well as his faith, strength and courage.)

Read “A Daughter, a Prayer Box & Soldiers” here. Originally published on April 26, 2009