Big Empty Squares that Will Lead Somewhere

We are a full week into 2014 and it’s as if I’m just realizing it’s January. I went to the grocery store today for the first time in three weeks. (Running in for milk or wine does not constitute a grocery trip!) This particular winter break has been like one on-going, never ending Saturday. With Courtney and Zach on break from college, and Erin not returning to high school (due to the snow, cold temperatures, icy roads or whatever else is keeping the schools closed), it’s been a season of late nights, cookies, movies, friends coming and going, indulging in rich, delicious cooking, sleeping in, shoveling, games and more.

But it IS January. Bills had to be paid, we ran out of real food, laundry had to be done, my husband returned to work after being home for 12 days and people started talking about resolutions. I’m not a big resolution maker, but what I do like about the New Year is a clean, clear calendar. Big empty squares. A fresh beginning. A new opportunity to intentionally decide what should go on those squares, the things on which I will spend the only time I have — that should be intentional.

In light of being intentional, the other day I made a 2014 To Do list. There are some practical things on it like “clean my closet” some fun ones like “go to Minnesota and see my sisters.” I also included items like “pay taxes.” (This guarantees I’ll experience some success since I KNOW that will get done!) Matters such as “use time wisely,” “function on a schedule,” “be calm” and “feel joy” are also on my list. “Read my Bible,” “prayer” and “serve” also show up — I don’t want to just squeeze these in, I want to keep these spiritual disciplines a priority.

I believe what we all want when we make our resolutions (or our lists), is forward progress. We want to be a better, stronger, more developed, mature, disciplined or wiser version of ourselves. We want to grow. I don’t want to look back on the last year and realize I am exactly as I was — that nothing is different. I want to look back each year and see I’ve actually journeyed somewhere — even if it is within myself.

This post originally appeared on Moms.FortWaye.Com

Shifting Gears

Today, this went on our front door:

It’s the last day of school and I feel like my kids ~
I can’t believe its finally here!
Late nights ~ here we come!
Sleeping in ~ I’ve been waiting for you!
No worries about homework, projects and tests ~ YES!
Friends over in the middle of the week for a sleepover ~ Yes, you can!
Bike rides to the ice-cream shop ~ of course!
Badminton net ~ set it up!
Pool ~ let’s get that membership!
Watermelon, s’mores, hot dogs, ice-cream, pasta salads, grilling, and dinners on the patio ~ can’t wait
Summer camps, bug spray,sunscreen ~ bring it on! 
Sitting on my front porch, sitting on my back patio ~ this is what I love.

I love the summer shift. I really, really do.
Welcome, summer! We’ve been waiting for you!

Taking it in

I’ve been enjoying the moments this summer. Although the moments are all too quickly sifting through the hourglass of this season, I am trying to be in the moment and savor them as they come along. (This seems to also have meant less writing)

One moment to take in was the other evening when my college bound daughter said in a moment of frustration, “10 days.” My husband said, “You know we can hear that, right?” Another moment was when she laid her head in my lap – the very evening the 10 days comment was made.

During the many trips to and from football practices, I’ve taken in moments as I have listened to my son tell his tales of hard work, sweat dripping from..well…everywhere. He tells of workouts that make my muscles spasm just from listening to him, and I marvel at his dedication and strength, his passion for the game he loves.

I’ve watched my baby girl watch her big sister and I’ve taken in the reality of her best-friend moving out in 9 days. I know there are moments coming for which I am not looking forward, but for which I must prepare. Our dynamic is shifting and I must prepare not only for my own emotions, but for others as well.

Our youngest has ebbed and flowed as summer relieves the tension of school work, but doesn’t relieve the pressure he continues to feels at the loss of a biological mother and a the right to an innocent childhood. Moments have taken place where I have felt absolutely inadequate, frustrated, scared, disconnected and lost.

As my kids have all come home from camps this summer I have listened to them describe moments that changed them…working in the gym during free time to improve a shot, walking campers to the bathroom at 4:00 am because that’s what you so as a counselor, leading devotions before bed to a group of 3rd & 4th graders, asking God to come into the broken heart of a 12 year old boy. Worshipping with all they have and being unashamed. Its been a joy to hear of the moments that took place while they were away from me.
There have also been favorite moments with no kids involved, girlfriends on the patio, music, food, wine, and endless talk and laughter. Another was a friend and I sharing a cup of coffee on her porch and then going for a run together to start our day. (I mean at age forty-five and forty-eight, we were kind of excited that this is how we chose to spend some of our limited time together!)

Moments. Its what’s on my mind tonight. There are some very significant moments coming up as this mother seeks to prepare herself for the end of summer. But for the next 9 days I will watch for, take in, savor and ponder all the moments that I can.