This has been a hard post to start, but today I am pushing through because I think it’s important. Without going into detail, I’ve been having a tough time for a while now as I struggle to handle (even mentally and emotionally) the many short and long term challenges that come along with adopting a 12 year old boy with a terrible past causing present behavior challenges.The issues don’t seem to be resolving, and now he’s in the teen years.
I am ever grateful to be in an amazing partnership with my husband, but that hasn’t been enough to help me navigate this journey lately. I know God has a plan for this child, and I believe we are part of that plan, so I seek His word and I pray, but lately even that hasn’t brought direction, peace or strength. So these last several days I have been leaning into what I call a small band of trustees for wisdom, truth, intercession and prayer.
Other than my husband, I have one person who I take just about everything to. I trust her implicitly. She loves me deeply, so when she tells me to buck up, stop it, or move on, I don’t take offense, I take her words to heart. The other day she gave me time, love, truth, a devotion, scripture and the promise to pray.
Earlier in the week when talking with another friend, I specifically gave her permission to speak truth to me – when we’re buried so deep in emotional turmoil I think it’s hard to have a clear perspective, or even trust our own perspective. I also called my sister and asked if she would go to God on my behalf and ask for a word from Him for me – human thoughts and insights are awesome, but I need His word right now and I am not currently discerning it. My friend spoke truth, and my sister went to God – who sent her to His word.
Being in a place where I have felt unsteady (and almost fearful) has been hard – and lonely. I didn’t want anyone to know ~ I am one people seek out for counsel, I am strong, my faith has sustained me and even others at times. But in the last few days I have taken my darkness to others who have shed light on it…and today it doesn’t feel as oppressive. I still don’t know exactly where to step next, but my legs are feeling more sturdy. I wish God would take his finger and write in the margin in my Bible exactly what we should do, that’s not likely, but I am feeling encouraged and strengthened by the verses that are coming our way.
Its funny, some of the highest statistics on this blog come when I share struggles; this is why I thought it was important to share. Not for high stats, but because of the reason for the high stats – we want to know we’re not alone. We need to know its OK to share when we can’t find our way. We need the strength of others, and sometimes we need someone else to knock on the door because all we feel we can do is stand there. Sometimes we need others to go to the Son and then shine His light.
- Do you have a small band of trustees?
- Are there a few someones in your life who will lovingly tell you the truth?
- Are you strong enough to admit when you are weak?
- Are you someone who will get in the word of God for another – immediately and earnestly?
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12