I had an opportunity to speak to a group of young moms last week. We were talking about being Bold, Loving and Sensible, but before we could talk about that, we talked about some of the reasons we sometimes aren’t bold, loving and sensible. We came up with a list pretty quickly. Maybe it’s hard to be all that, because sometimes we moms are all this:
- not confident
- don’t know what to do next
- confused, and more….
Although I was named 2010 National Young Mother of the Year, my early mothering days included all of the above emotions (and sometimes I still experience some of those feelings)! It’s not uncommon for mothers, especially young mothers, to experience some, or even all of the above. It’s also not uncommon for us to NOT share these feelings with anyone, which can leave us with elevated levels of said emotions.
So what does a mom do when she is experiencing these unexpected feelings? I think it begins by recognizing and identifying what you are feeling. Then taking a step back to look at what might be causing you to feel tired, confused or whatever. Maybe it’s as simple as realizing you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. Maybe it’s because you have no family in town and you just wish someone would “oooooh” and “aaaaaahhhh” over your baby like your mom or sister would.
Talk to a friend about your feelings, the odds are she has, or is, experiencing something similar. If you don’t have a friend (remember, if you have been transplanted, it’s possible you don’t have a friend yet, which easily adds “alone” or “lonely” or “sad” to the list), look around for a woman who may be past your stage in life and see if she might have lunch with you, she may be able to offer perspective, or at least an ear.
I remember feeling so mired in exhaustion, loneliness and anger that I didn’t see a way out at the time. And now….well, I don’t have all the answers, but I know I found my way out. Be kind and loving to yourself. Be sensible and patient with yourself. Take a deep breath, be courageous and bold and share your journey…it’s likely there is someone walking right beside you but she won’t see you until you reveal yourself.